When I was a mama of three very tiny, very messy, very beautiful rug rats, we had DAYS THAT WENT ON FOR LIFETIMES. I was both lonely and absolutely desperate to be alone. I was at my very best today and then, just a moment later, at my very worst. I really care what you have to say and how you feel. And so now when our kids get home from school, we don’t say: “How was your day? What did you say to the new girl when you all went out to recess? Where there any times you felt proud of yourself today?
Craig left at am every morning and as I watched his showered, ironed self leave the house I felt incredibly blessed and thrilled to have so much time alone with my babies and incredibly terrified and bitter to have so much time alone with my babies. I was saturated- just BOMBARDED with touch and then the second I put down this baby I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. At today I decided that we should adopt four more children, and then at I decided that we should give up the kids we already have for adoption. I really want to know you.” If we don’t want throw away answers, we can’t ask throw away questions. After a few years of practicing increasingly intimate question asking, now we find ourselves asking each other questions like these: When did you feel loved today? What did I do today that made you feel appreciated?
While the term has several meanings, the most frequent usage refers to two people exploring whether they are romantically or sexually compatible by participating in dates with the other.
With the use of modern technology, people can date via telephone or computer or meet in person.
Through therapy, we learned to ask each other better questions.
A man and woman face each other across a table at a downtown bistro, looking nervous and awkward. There is a stiff formality to the way they sit—no slouching. It remains to be seen if it will pick up speed, gain altitude, and soar skyward . Sometimes they lead to burning love; sometimes they go down in flames.
There were moments when my heart was so full I thought I might explode, and there were other moments when my senses were under such intense assault that I was CERTAIN I’d explode. But I’d be a little sad because love is about really being seen and known and I wasn’t being seen or known then. We need to ask questions that carry along with them this message: “I’m not just checking the box here. Instead we ask: How did you feel during your spelling test?
I’m just saying- it’s a hell of a hard thing to explain- an entire day with lots of babies. So I’d just cry, or yell, or smile and say “fine,” and then hand the baby over and run to Target to wander aisles aimlessly, because that’s all I ever really wanted. We learned that if we really want to know our people, if we really to know them – we need to ask them better questions and then really listen to their answers.
Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which has mainly emerged in the last few centuries.
With those thoughts in mind, now it’s time to think about specific first date questions.
What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?
Humans have been compared to other species in terms of sexual behavior.
Neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky constructed a reproductive spectrum with opposite poles being tournament species, in which males compete fiercely for reproductive privileges with females, and pair bond arrangements, in which a male and female will bond for life.