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Constant rejection online dating

If you’ve been nursing your crush on the little red-haired girl for all of high-school and now that graduation is approaching that you finally decide to ask her out…

well, that’s of your life that you’ve spent obsessing, investing and otherwise making her a larger-than-life figure, pinning your entire self-esteem on a three-second question.

and I was crying so damned hard I literally drove my car into a ditch.

Let me tell you, having to go walk back to her house to call a tow-truck?

Avoiding over-investing is the first and most obvious part – the less that you let somebody’s symbolic importance build up, the less it bothers you if you don’t synch the way you hoped. Maybe you look like that asshole ex who emptied her bank account, banged her sister and wiped his dick on her favorite teddy bear.

With dating, you can also learn how to roll with rejection.You start getting caught by the sunk-cost fallacy – you’ve spent so much time pining after this person that you can’t admission will hit you harder than any rejection could.This is why the three-second rule is so important in making cold approaches – not only does it keep your brain from vapor-locking over every imagined worst-case scenario, but it keeps you from over-investing in this one person.In many ways it forms the backdrop of your self-identity for years to come. It’s the fear-avoidance model of behavior – the anticipation and fear of that pain causes you to avoid the thing that caused the pain, which only makes the fear stronger and perpetuates the cycle.By avoiding the fear, you reinforce it, which causes you to avoid it more to the point that the pain.One of the hardest things about getting better at dating is that you have to learn how to take the hit.Back in high-school, I started studying martial arts; Tae Kwon Do and Kenpo primarily.As much as I’d told people that I was learning it for the self-discipline and the focus it taught me, just between you, me and the everyone else reading this: I wanted to be Billy Bad-Ass.I had the same fantasies of being Terry Bogard or Van Damme or Jeff Speakman that every other would-be ninja warrior had.If you never learn how to handle rejection, rejection will shred your soul. I followed her around like a lost puppy for four years.When I confessed my interest in her and asked her out the weekend before graduation she said no…

81 comments

  1. IS there a pattern of just constant rejection happening on these dating sites, mostly due to a guy not looking like Brad Pitt or whatever? Ok, I'm a shorer dude, 5'3", not my fault in. Funny how people complain about how horribly they are treated by men/women online. Obviously, it was going bad in real life.

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